Eight of us stood in a circle at a friend's 50th on Saturday, watching a magician work.
He picked one of my friends. Drew a cross on the back of his own hand with a Sharpie, held it up so we could all see it, then told her to make a fist.
He rubbed the cross off his skin. Then told her to open her fist.
The cross was sitting in her palm.
Eight adults, watching closely. None of us saw a thing.
The trick is called the Double Cross, and the method is almost rude in how simple it is. The X was already on her palm. He put it there when he shook her hand a few minutes earlier, back when he was just the guy in the waistcoat introducing himself. By the time we started watching, the trick was over.
There's a lot in that trick, but the part I couldn't shake was how much it looked like outreach done badly. Whether that's a sales email, a pitch to a podcast, or a DM asking for an intro, most people skip the setup and go straight to the reveal.
The message turns up on the day someone needs something. Loved your post, quick question. Big fan of yours, got ten minutes this week? The introduction and the ask arrive together, and everyone can feel it.
The better way is slow and mostly invisible. You read what someone writes. You like their posts, reply to their newsletters, leave comments that add something for their readers. Repeat that for six months and ask for nothing. By the time you do ask, they’ll feel like they know you. Some may even get curious and go looking for you, which is the version everyone wants and nobody seems to plan for.
Six months of small moves nobody clocks, so the ask lands like magic.
None of us noticed the handshake. That's why it worked.
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3 things that made me think about this:
- I received a LinkedIn DM this week that opened with "I noticed you commented on an Alex Hormozi post and wanted to see if you'd be interested in..." Noticing is easy to claim. Commenting back is the part they skipped. I did not reply.
- Standing on the sideline at my son's football semi final on Saturday alongside another dad who I’d seen round the traps all season. We’d exchanged a few pleasantries here and there, nothing you'd call a conversation. He asked me for a favour after the game and I said yes immediately, because somewhere along the way it started to feel like we knew each other.
- A connection request from someone whose face I recognised from my own comments section. I accepted in a second. Another one the same morning from a stranger with a good title, still sitting there.
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